First, let me tell you a story. During my practicum in US for my master of guidance and counseling, I came across a 6- years old Chinese American girl who has school phobia. She would cried and cried when her mother, who was Taiwanese origin, drop her off school in the morning. The little girl would hold on to the car door while yelling and screaming. Her mother was helpless. She did not know what had gone wrong.
During counseling, the mother told me that this little girl loved school when she was 4 years old. In fact, she loved not only school, she loved her after school ballet lessons, swimming lessons, piano lessons, and private Chinese language lessons (in US, most schools do not provide Chinese language class). And when she turned 6, her mother decided to let her have after class tuition to help with her school subjects as well. The most curious thing, this bright cute happy little girl suddenly became so frightful of school, strangers and all her after school curriculums.
When my professor and other American students heard the conversation through the two-way mirror, they were confused. They asked me after session, (this is the words they use) “Why in the world would anyone force a 6 years old little girl to have all this after school activities? And how was I able to be so clam facing this mother” My answer was “ because most children in Asia are expected to be able to go to all these after school lessons, if not more.” They were shocked at our approach in raising children.
Just the other day, one of my friends said, “but, children today are bored with higher stress tolerances so they will be able to handle more stress and workload”. My answer to her was “ perhaps the children are born to be more tolerable, but the big question is will the stress and workload be good for them?”
According to Erick Erickson (founder of The development stages for children) and many other experts, development of sense of control is an important develop milestone for any child and it starts from young age. Children who were not able to develop proper sense of control of either self or environment will very likely to have low esteem, lack of sense of self and responsibilities, more likely to be anxious, to be fearful, to be depressed, less ability to cope with new life events or new environment.
Putting aside what experts says, imagine you yourself being drag from one place to another starting from 7 o’ clock in the morning to 9 or 10 o’clock at night, days after days, years after years without the capability to refuse. Doesn’t life seems so long and purposely suddenly.
Another side of the story, since I have started SEED, I have been approached by numerous families who have the same problem; their young children are too timid, too fearful. Or worst, their older children had mental breakdown after obtaining 9As but was not able to apply to local university.
So please ask yourself, if you would rather rise a child who might be able to get 9As during SPM because she was forced to participate in all kind of grantee-to-get-A tuition but have no idea who she is, what her purpose of life or worst someone who can have mental breakdown easily. Or a happy wholistic child who is healthy in all aspect of life, knows herself, her purpose of life but might not get 9A because she knows being a human there are other things that are more important.
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