So then, it started with every morning me getting my oldest son ready, riding in his grandfather`s car together with both my boys and then get ready to pick him up at 6. Things went smoothly at first. Then little things started to change. First change, I started having classes in the evening, or I have late counseling or business appointments which run into my time to pick him up. So I started getting help from his grandmother or his aunt to pick him up at school. And when I have late evening classes, I usually get home when the kids were already in bed. Second change, my personal time after the kids went to bed is running overtime. I started getting to bed late at night which consequently, I have a hard time waking up early. My getting up late means Bruce getting up late, so he started rushing through his morning routine, his breakfast, and getting into his grandfather`s car all alone.
Now, I am not going to lie. He has tried a few tricks so that he can stay at home from the very beginning. For examples, he will try not to cooperate when getting ready, or he will eat very slowly, or he will ask to watch TV or play before going to school, or that he was tired. With a help like a reward system (get a star when he gets ready), or bring his favorite snacks/book/toy to school, he always ended going to school with a smiley face. However, about two to three weeks ago, he started plain refusal to go to school. “I don’t want to go to school” he would say firmly.
For heaven sakes, that was when the war started. Morning crying, screaming, yelling, full grown throwing tantrum while Bruce getting ready and getting into the car. Meanwhile, I also started with every trick that was either recommended (i.e. set natural consequences for not going to school, which is to not able to have fun at home and call his teacher to explain why he decided to not go to school; getting a reward after going to school, either an ice-cream or spend time with me at the playground; express my expectations/feelings and listen to his expectations/feelings and how his behaviors was impacting me; discuss with him his desire reward of positive behaviors) or not recommended ( i.e. threaten him with spanking if he does not go to school, take him to school and let him cry all the way in the car; bribe him with goodies before he goes to school; full force of angry/frustrated mother`s yelling) by parenting experts just so that I could get Bruce to go to school. However, with all these refusal going to school, the most curious thing it that he would have his big smiles and energetic self once his teacher came welcoming him at the school door.
The mind and physically torturing event was creating the most unfriendly home atmosphere. I feel utterly discouraged, tired and worried. I am worried that I created too big of a deal and traumatized my son which could caused school phobia in the future. I am worried that other might think less of me because I can`t even get my child to school. But, I am truly very blessed, not only I have a very good family support system which is very important in raising children, the knowledge/experience and interaction of my job keep me on tracks. Last week during training feedback time, I admitted to the group my frustration, my fear and my lack of ideas. I felt understood, relieved, and most important “human”, after all, I am not competing for best mother of the year award.
I started taking actions as soon as I got home. I reviewed all the signs and what Bruce had told me, that the reason he did not want to go to school was because he wanted to stay at home with me and his brother. I am sure that he likes his school, because he always has his big smile once he get to school, and he often demonstrates what he had learned from school at home with enthusiastic. First thing, I called Bruce`s daycare, and told them my situations. I requested assistance in excusing Bruce for being late to school, and picking him up early on days I needed to have evening classes so that he can go to work with me. I started cutting my tv time at night, going to bed earlier, to let him sleep in a little later, not rushing him through his morning routine, let him eat his breakfast on his pace with me and his brother, and then drive Bruce to school with both of my boys in the car. I also started picking him up 30 mins earlier for fun time after school. Of course, I also sneak in a non recommended method which was creating competition between him and his brother. (i.e., Your brother is putting on the uniform, your brother is getting ready to go to school, your brother is getting into the car) After all, I am only human and deserve to have a break.
This morning, Bruce told me loudly, “mommy, I want to go to school.” He put on his uniform, his backpack and got into the car all by himself. He also made funny faces to his brother, because his brother could not do any of those things by himself. We were singing songs enthusiastically during ride, and got to school with happy faces. Bruce got out of the car, greeted his teacher, said good bye to me. Finally, he routinely said “see you later mommy, I love you mommy” and went into his school.
As I was saying “Have a good day, Bruce” to him, I was thinking, today is a good day, and I will take one day at a time.
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